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12:02 p.m. - November 22, 2003
I like answers
Some thoughts:

1) Michael Jackson: Why was he allowed to turn himself in on his own terms regarding the date and time, as well as the location? And that booking photo - I am sorry I looked. Does he think the makeup makes him look better? How scary can his face truly be?

2) Frat boys and women: What's the thrill women get from being used by frat boys collecting notches? Can somebody explain this to me?

3) Gay marriage in Massachusetts: Seems like wherever you go gays are screaming for the right to marry though not many seem to be going through with it either in Canada or Vermont. [editor's note: Okay, fine; quibble over semantics and say civil union in VT and do you take this man to be your husband in Canada. Whiners.] This talk about constitutional amendments drives me nuts not because I support the gay agenda (smile, Oz) but because I like to see two (hot) women kissing and based on the media coverage, only lipstick lesbians pursue marriage. Where are the uglies?

4) On giving illegals driver's licenses in California: So the theory is, illegals drive illegally because they can't obtain driver's licenses or insurance, so give them licenses and they'll buy insurance, thereby saving the state [editor's note: The state? You mean ass-fucked rate payers] billions in unrecoverable fees? I don't know much about people, but it seems to me that there won't be a rush to auto insurers simply because illegals have licenses all of a sudden. Caught driving illegally as an illegal = potentially sent back to Mexico (but back in a few weeks). Caught driving without insurance = $1,200 fine, but if you're an illegal you're deported (but back in a few weeks after paying a coyote $1,000). Looks like a no-brainer to me.

5) On Britain: So the Brits don't like President Bush. Um... should we care? Sure, they're well-informed on issues, articulate, and still trying to get over their colonial guilt and collective advantages derived from their glittering history of imperialism, but when are they going to realize the Middle East quagmire is largely their doing? I mean come on, they're the ones who dabbled in geopolitics, creating the nations of Iraq, Jordan, et al, not to mention the Balfour Declaration, setting the stage for today's craziness. Besides, who listens to them anyway?

6) On California's political and economic woes: Now that Arnold's Governor of the Great (bankrupt) State of California, he's floating an idea of selling bonds to fill the budget holes. The idea isn't going over well with the (democratic) state Legislature, but this to me is the central problem. Yeah, it sucks to be in debt and not have money for all our wonderful programs. In the real world, no money = no programs. So either suck it up and cut the programs, or like other people, borrow money when you want something but can't afford it. Like buying a house; you pay interest forever, and at the end of 30 years you own the structure. For us, we pay interest forever, but still have our cherished programs. Maybe the state can qualify for credit counseling services. The free ones, of course.

7) On reality: Are there any ugly gay men out there other than me? Everybody's beautiful and seeks only similar beauties, and that leaves me out. I once thought there were more ugly people than beautiful in the world, but that was before I realized all the ugly people are straight and the beautiful are gay.

8) On health care: What would happen if people boycotted health insurance and doctors for a few months? Would anything change for the better? I'm ticked that a healthy 27 year old non-smoker, non-drinker, non-doer-of-stupid-life-endangering-things like me is quoted $288.17 per month for no-frills insurance. No joke, I am worth more dead than alive.

9) On being a landlord: After $24,000 worth of remodeling (roof, bathrooms, kitchens), why am I asked to foot the bill for a new refrigerator simply because the tenant is unhappy her (old, avocado-green) fridge no longer matches her (new, bright, sunny, white-and-yellow) environs? She spent .44 on postage to send me the letter with photos. She could've put that as a down payment on a unit from Sears.

10) On underwear: Most of this week I was in San Francisco and saw the new Calvin Klein underwear on larger-than-life billboards. I'd lick that model's tattoo any day. But my musing: Are the contents manipulated in underwear ads? While I didn't put my face right up against the crotch, I couldn't discern any ridges or lopsided balls as there should be (you do know one ball is always lower than the other, right?). How does that work?

All this simply to avoid having to write today.


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