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8:25 p.m. - November 17, 2003
A mariachi band?
I'd like to know you better. I'd like you to know me better. Not difficult to say at all. I'd like to trust people, not be guarded or defensive. I'd like people to ask me questions and I'd like to talk more than I listen. To feel like my words and thoughts count. To hang out and laugh, connect with people.

I don't give people much of a chance to know me at all. I think I'm afraid that if I show people who and how I am, that they'd be bored or uninterested, find me an unsatisfactory return on one's time. And that would be worse than being alone the way I am now, distant and detached. I don't want to be this way; I want to be engaged, to count. I don't know how to share, be open, connect with people. I always feel I catch glimpses through layers of gauze, like the blind men trying to describe an elephant: All are right, but the interpretation is wrong.


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