6:02 p.m. - March 05, 2003
He's going to be in London for a year and a half and blurted out that uncircumsized penises are a novel adventure for him. I didn't have a response for that and fell back on the standard Oh. I wanted to tell him but I couldn't get the words out and since the conversation I've been thinking about the difference between reticence and cowardice. It's not time.
I'll likely say that forever.
Just as Rob needs to talk about his experiences, so do I. I was thinking back to a year ago today - first time I had mutual gay sex - and the ensuing roller coaster and I'm going to remain in turmoil until I've settled things and the first step towards concretization is talking about the topic openly. I don't really do that and I've avoided having my journal become a catalog of Gay This and Gay That, which means I bury it deeper. It's not easy for me to talk about yet I want to, need to, and I feel like I rehash the same thoughts over and over - and I do. Was thinking the next step is to actually meet a gay guy in vivo but that's a ways off. I'm a social idiot already and the added pressure would likely be disastrous. Shit, I have a problem meeting anybody for that matter.
I'm supposed to be working on my paper. Better get back to work.