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3:55 p.m. - March 14, 2003
Friday afternoon blowjob didn't appeal
Went to leave a deposit or two with The Guy but I didnít get out of the Cherokee. I sat there neither thinking nor not thinking in the quiet of the car before turning around and coming home. I called him and said I couldnít make it, had things to do, when he said I saw you in the parking lot and I had nothing to say. How to articulate that moment between turning off the ignition and placing my hand on the handle when I felt a surge of disappointment and ennui, that sensation of foreignness?

Using a mouth to bolster self-esteem costs too much in the long run.

So I came home and am writing.

Wondering if I didnít go in because I would be tempted to reciprocate? I donít know. Well, hereís to another Friday night.


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