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6:20 a.m. - July 30, 2003
Again could not sleep and I am supposed to let Dr. Indy know but I haven't written yet. I should amend: It is not that I could not sleep, it is that I willed myself not to sleep. Of course it's easy to do when one is petrified and your heart pounds and you sweat and desperately want to look under the bed, lock the doors, turn on all the lights and do something to keep busy, but I have a housemate who would not understand these things and why engender pity or something worse were he to open his door and inquire, What's going on? because I wouldn't be able to articulate this overpowering fear and dread I have that while I know these are dreams and images from my childhood, I forget people no longer jump fully formed from out of one's head unlike most of the Greek pantheon, armed for battle and mayhem, and lay there without any direction, recourse, or ability to say Fuck off.


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