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8:35 a.m. - December 06, 2003
I may have a nice smile, a decent personality, make sufficient conversation, be an eager, novice kisser, but these things are a distant second best when on a date with someone who prides himself on being a good top
Enjoyable time with Ryan II last night. How long has it been since I've had (a) an actual date and (b) something to do on a Friday night? Dinner and a movie, that was the plan but the movie portion didn't happen because we made out and played too long in the car and missed the start time.

He wants the anal prize and that's not on the menu. Now I have hangups that would turn off most gay guys and soon after that conversation I sent him home. I feel guilty about this, as if he expects or I expect to deliver an anal thank you because he's interested in me - short fat ugly - and strive to keep him satisfied so he doesn't lose interest. I'm angered to feel slightly guilty, to be told I have hangups - he might as well have added before which gay men flee - and be pushed - encouraged? - to make someone happy at the expense of myself. I don't do that. If there's one thing I learned from Spec, it's to hold fast to the word no.


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