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10:03 p.m. - September 01, 2003
This is not Star Trek
Self-preservation, self-denial, over-reactions? What's the difference? Not only am I in want of a guide on this path, I need a map and lacking that, at least a compass to figure out where I am and whether the destination is to the left, right, or gay ahead.

The earlier piece, which I note was not removed or privated with a minor See! I can open up!, was an angry response to Eli's insistence that I should allow him to - you know, spelunkass. Eli wanted to go spelunkassing and you do it once, you do it twice, you know whether you want another expedition. While Eli is not Spec and would never spelunk while announcing it's time to be primed as a prelude to bigger things to come [editor's note: Have I slain the cliches and now must pursue the metaphors?], I find his insistence or egging me on to be patronizing and part of that gay agenda of pleasure first, health & decency second. In short, no tongue is spelunking the nether regions and if I'm missing out or deprived, it wouldn't be the first time and I'm quite used to watching from the sidelines.

So we were there listening to the Sad Thoughts CD of mine and he whispered into my ear those romantic words, I'd like to spelunk you while his hand moved down my shorts and when I said no, he came up with - came up with? It's more like he had them memorized and ready to go - enticements and satisfaction guarantees like a two-for-one pass to a Chinese buffet [again, the metaphors!] and I put him on my own version of the Do Not Call list. Ass is not part of my worldview and I will not broaden my horizons by (a) looking into somebody else's cheeks or (b) having someone probe mine with something far too fleshy to be finger or cock. I figure if you can't see most of the person with whom you're being intimate, then there's something wrong.

Eli was hurt, I think, and pulled the You've never had it from me line that must be a tertiary, pre-programmed response after Get me a beer and I promise it'll feel good. Is someone asking / requesting / begging you to allow a tongue to lick your ass some sort of honor badge or have we reverted to misdirected canine greetings and I'm unaware of the memo? When he insisted and I froze it was a now-or-never moment and I didn't let him talk me into it (one point for me) and can we say the moment - all-inclusive - was lost and he left grumpy? Grumpy or not, I held my own though as I say this, I wonder, what am I really missing?


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