10:52 p.m. - January 31, 2004
Light dinner, an outing, fresh sheets on the bed: An official date
Surprise tickets to Brett Butler�s comedy act and enough blueberries to last for several breakfasts and longer. He�s in the shower making his music sounds � not singing but instruments, a trumpet and who knows what else. I think he wants sex.
During a break he leaned over and asked me why I smile, laugh, then look sad. How to explain pleasure, laughter, feeling good, makes me notice how rarely I am or let go and enjoy something, as if laughing is a momentary break in the control cycle.
All the women in my life � girlfriends, platonics � have never mentioned my smile. Every man in my life � boyfriends, not-so-platonics � mention my smile as something that they like.
It is winsome, not sexy. They do not know the difference.
