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10:53 p.m. - July 05, 2003
Gimme the quim tonight
Message from the technician working on my laptop: Total loss. If I give him a list of what I need to save, he'll retrieve what he can.

Do I just buy a new laptop? This is my third in three years. Recall I bought this current headache last spring after I lost the other one that was a replacement for the first, original headache. You'll also recall I didn't lose it, simply left it in an office one day, and that it made a fine $1,000 tax write-off.

Note to self: Never, never, ever again buy Compaq or HP. Never.

I'm having all my discs sent from California because without Pagemaker and Photoshop I cannot continue work on the book. The book! The book! Dare I tell Barbara-the-Editor that all work has ceased due to technical difficulties and chance her driving to the townhouse to personally strangle me? When there's a 3,500 mile separation there is a modicum of safety though when she's less than an hour away all bets are off.

I am a pathetic tech dumb-ass. I don't know what I do, but to every single laptop I've owned, I've done something. Something. My fingers transmit blood clots and the enter key pulls the plug. Is there anybody out there who knows what I need and can design a laptop that doesn't let me do anything but the work I need to perform? Pagemaker, Photoshop, Frontpage, Word, Power Point, Excel, AOL, Bearshare, Roxio. Run Pagemaker, Photoshop, Word simultaneously. Open 1.3 gigabyte documents with ease. Not weigh much. It's not asking much.


Talked online to a guy and we hit it off, took the step of a telephone call. Why must gay men sound like gay men? I'm developing a complex that I, too, sound like a gay man.

Had Spec, I wouldn't be here.

Well, that may not be true. But it's something to consider.

I miss my old life. You know: Girlfriends. Vagina sex. Eating pussy (god, do I miss that right now). Smelling hair products and lotions that make women smell like women. Advice on what to wear and what colors aren't complementary. Dinners cooked. Little notes and cards hidden in the Jeep or my book. The whisper, I want it. Showers. Tit fucking! Brushing long hair. Love, deep and real. Long-lasting. Shaved armpits. Shaved legs. Shaved quim but only as a treat. Someone to tell my dreams to. Not my worries and fears, just my dreams.

Self-confidence that one and one make one, not two.


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