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1:02 p.m. - May 15, 2003
On steaks, cowboys, and manly Texan men
After yesterdayís session a woman approached me and asked if I was single, throwing me off by both her directness and the need for an urgent reply, shrouded by the wonder if I was falling for a trick question. I said I was single and she said great, my daughter would be perfect for you and I laughed, thinking she was simply making conversation.

Today at lunch this woman introduced me to her daughter. Of all crazy things in Texas that Iíve seen thus far, including bouffant hairdos and bleached blondes and large, overweight cowboys Ė as well as choice specimens that make my heart pound, because if anything, my impression of Texas is that of extremes; extremely unappealing, and extremely appealing Ė this woman and her daughter deserve special stay-away props.

Very short break for 45 minutes; came up to my room to get away.

How do you know if a guy is hitting on you? Or more basic, how do you know a guy whoís talking to you is gay if there are no ermÖ stereotypical behaviors? I wonder because one guy makes me feel nervous and blush and last night after dinner Ė a group of us went out for steaks and damn! can they do steak in Texas! Ė he was the last to leave the lobby and I wondered if he was being polite or Ė I donít know. He makes eye contact far more than I think is normal and he touched my knee at dinner though I think that was accidental. Jesus. Whatís wrong with me?

And why am I even thinking about this? Itís craziness.

The training is going well and I am content with myself and that is more than I require to keep the self-doubt-and-castigation-worries at bay. 55 people and damn, I love doing this. How shallow. But true. I enjoy pontificating. Grin

Feeling silly.

Iím in a great mood. Did I mention they do steaks and butch guys well in Texas? I wanna be wrestled by just about every man Iíve seen. Recall I like cowgirls and cowboys.

Heh. Feeling very silly. More like horny, but that could be just because the hair on my balls is still itchy and Iím hyperaware of the nether regions.

Jesus. Iím insipid today.

Better go.


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