1:02 p.m. - May 15, 2003
On steaks, cowboys, and manly Texan men
After yesterday�s session a woman approached me and asked if I was single, throwing me off by both her directness and the need for an urgent reply, shrouded by the wonder if I was falling for a trick question. I said I was single and she said great, my daughter would be perfect for you and I laughed, thinking she was simply making conversation.
Today at lunch this woman introduced me to her daughter. Of all crazy things in Texas that I�ve seen thus far, including bouffant hairdos and bleached blondes and large, overweight cowboys � as well as choice specimens that make my heart pound, because if anything, my impression of Texas is that of extremes; extremely unappealing, and extremely appealing � this woman and her daughter deserve special stay-away props.
Very short break for 45 minutes; came up to my room to get away.
How do you know if a guy is hitting on you? Or more basic, how do you know a guy who�s talking to you is gay if there are no erm� stereotypical behaviors? I wonder because one guy makes me feel nervous and blush and last night after dinner � a group of us went out for steaks and damn! can they do steak in Texas! � he was the last to leave the lobby and I wondered if he was being polite or � I don�t know. He makes eye contact far more than I think is normal and he touched my knee at dinner though I think that was accidental. Jesus. What�s wrong with me?
And why am I even thinking about this? It�s craziness.
The training is going well and I am content with myself and that is more than I require to keep the self-doubt-and-castigation-worries at bay. 55 people and damn, I love doing this. How shallow. But true. I enjoy pontificating. Grin
Feeling silly.
I�m in a great mood. Did I mention they do steaks and butch guys well in Texas? I wanna be wrestled by just about every man I�ve seen. Recall I like cowgirls and cowboys.
Heh. Feeling very silly. More like horny, but that could be just because the hair on my balls is still itchy and I�m hyperaware of the nether regions.
Jesus. I�m insipid today.
Better go.
