5:01 p.m. - August 15, 2003
Had someone told me I'd find myself bouncing here and there between logic and a sometimes-abusive boyfriend, I would have laughed and referred them elsewhere but the truth is that despite what I know in my head, all resolve disappears when he cries or says he's sorry and pledges to be different. And something deep down doesn't want him to go away so I do what he wants, push him away yet open my arms for his return. Instead of thinking about him, I want to reflect on what it is in me, about me, or because of me that perpetuates this cycle. I mean damn it, I'm a nice guy and I'm tired of crying over him.
Nice guys finish last, especially when they're gay, I think.
So, Lorster, please inform your library friend that this summer I liberated only one (1) book from the University Collections, a substantial improvement over the previous summer. I am a book fiend, I know, and slightly prone to stealing only when I cannot ever be caught, but spots can be removed with enough resolve and cleanser and who knows, perhaps one day I'll will them back to the university. I'll be better next summer, should I return.
OK, time to box up my books and papers.