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11:53 a.m. - May 07, 2003
On paranoia, planes, and senseless junk
Paranoia? Am working with Chris, a now-acquaintance-former-friend whom I haven't seen or heard from in easily a year and a half. He comes up to me and gives me a big hug - most everybody knows how much I hate that yet love it - and when I wasn't the center of attention (the President Bush photos are making their rounds) he leaned over and whispered, I've heard you're a lot less uptight now wink and gave me this look. Paranoia?


Most of the people whom I consider friends in the active sense are women. I'm quite tired of that.


Making preparations for my sojourn in Washington, D.C. You know, I'm feeling rather ambivalent; I'd like to have a free summer to do as I please (which means doing nothing) and go camping. The only reason I'm going is because it looks good on the resume and I enjoy being top dog, the department pet, the Golden Boy.

I'm no closer to knowing what I want to do with my life though farming has a certain appeal; unfortunately, I would be of little use on a farm.


My gay cousin's company folded - this via my grandmother - and he's spending the next four months in Brazil. I cannot fathom his self-confidence or assurance that everything will work out. I feel bad for him in a distant way and I become nervous each time my grandmother reminds me how much he wants to get to know me. More paranoia.

I wonder what's going to happen with the plane. When or if I divulge my last name I'll post a photo of what we jokingly refer to as the Family Jet. Through Gay Cousin's job, there's a Boeing 777 with the family name flying in the skies. And it's not Smith or Jones; it was named to honor him and his family when the model was released. I think it's a British Air or United jet, but I'm not sure. Or maybe it's all a hoax.

It's time for me to get back to work.

P.S. Reaching out to people, however tenuously, isn't as frightening as I thought it would be. I'm glad. Mostly.


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