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4:03 a.m. - August 28, 2003
Unknown luxuries
Can't sleep, that familiar subroutine activated and I feel like the train that could, chugging along and thinking of a million things to do while wanting nothing more than to sleep.

A few days ago I deliberated on whether or not to continue participation in the study with Dr. Indy since I had a very agreeable summer - the best descriptor for a period of time in which I only had two . . . problems - and then its the tonight-times that reminds me - pushes - there's a great deal still troubling me. I wonder in both earnestness and beat-myself-upness whether I'll ever leave behind the past, though I know it's not time yet. I can't depart until I own, and that's a silly though meaningful thing to say.

I am not ready to go back to sleep. I envy sleep with that passion of knowing unknown luxuries.


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