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5:50 p.m. - September 05, 2003
I am unfulfilled and wasting
I do not understand boys.

Jesus Christ, I just said that. Men. Men. I do not understand men.

Not much to report: I'm writing as much as I can for Book II, I'm working as much as I can for $$, I'm reading emails from Eli that I cannot interpret, I'm cleaning house for Spec's arrival tonight.

Ah, yes. It's a headfuck for sure; last night I thought perhaps Spec has been right all along, that he is for me and I am for him. He capitalizes on my fears and knows the loneliness in which I swim and hide while yearning to allow others inside.


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