9:46 p.m. - March 07, 2002
Pointless
Heard today in front of my classroom door: "It hurt my eyes and I didn't appreciate it!" Response: "Then you should've swallowed, bitch."
I don't think they were joking.
Why now I am even thinking about it strikes me as slightly humorous and hypocritical since as a teenager I was no different than today's.
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You know what hurts and pisses me off? A friend who says she's supportive of this thing between Spec and I (why call it a thing? Sounds dumb) but when finds out I've done the faggot deed, turns. It hurts.
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Too tired to write. Not sleeping well (as if I ever do) and my aversion to sleep-aids is lessening.
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I don't want to be bi or gay--yeah, I know, who does--mostly because I do not want to be identified as a member of the cock-and-sex-obsessed. Once again it's what other people think. It's what I think. I know no gay guy that isn't into cock-deification or drugs and alcohol and sexcapades that make me blush. I blush not because I'm uptight but because it's bacchanalian, it's abandonment of self-control and a free-fall into depravity. If I am with Spec now, will I be like that later?
That makes me sad.
