4:22 p.m. - December 17, 2002
This was a good day
PacBell (correction: SBC) repairman just left and all lines are operative. He mentioned something about a ground short and a water short and while you can call me Mr. Hometime-in-development for most things, electricity or anything involving wires is not my forte and my eyes glaze over.
While working the thought of having a stranger in my home did not weigh heavy and in fact I didn't think about it until driving home. (I had given my key to Conrad who is a much better spy than one would realize, trusting in his abilities to call police should the need arise; in fact, I would not be surprised if 911 is on speed dial.) The repairman was still here when I arrived and he congratulated me on my new home purchase; the quizzical look I gave him flustered and he repeated only to have me interrupt and say I've lived her for several years now. Cause? The unlived-in, minimally-furnished atmosphere.
But, this is to be lessened substantially Friday, when my new toy is delivered. I bought this today and I feel the onset of Guilt, not lower-case-lesser-intensity guilt, but Guilt guilt, for having spent so much. But you know what? I refuse to feel bad for spending this money frivolously. I hate to sound deserving along the lines of I've-worked-all-day-and-I-deserve-this-beer or I-came-to-class-don't-I-get-an-A-minus-at-least, but the fact of the matter is I work hard, save my pennies, and if I want something, why not have it? Spending on myself does not mean I'm a terrible, selfish person.
But still. I feel selfish. I have much as it is, a fancy computer, an SUV, clothes, books to read, a mini-stereo. These are my toys instead of a cell phone, DVD player, and the stuff that everybody seems to have but me. Eh. I'm starting to justify. That guilt does sneak in, doesn't it?
I would just hope that I'm above becoming an accumulator of things simply to accumulate, of becoming possession-oriented and a pack-rat. Will not feel guilty will not will not will not.
I hope everybody had a pleasant day.
