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10:18 a.m. - November 06, 2004
Received a letter and birthday check from grandma yesterday. She is so thrilled I'm going up for a week and made a list of conversation topics for us to cover while I'm there, things like "New Books: What should I read?" and "Family tree: New additions." I love her so much it hurts my stomach to think of the day she'll pass on and how she's preparing to pass on the family responsibilities to me, particularly the stories and geneaology. I bought a ticket for Jeff and Lisa and I will meet him there. I'm so excited to have the four of us together where we can listen to grandma's stories about aunt Esther and the dairy farm, stories she always ends by saying how relieved she is that her grandchildren haven't ended up miscreants. So we'll be together for Thanksgiving, I'll have time to visit Bathsheba, play games with family and drink lots of hot chocolate. I miss grandma so much. I'm eager to be back in Seattle and play in the leaves, feel the wind chap my face when I stand on the bluffs to look over the islands and ferries.

I can't wait.

Canceled on Jon so no movie last night. I was in bed by 9 and listened to music, wondered who kept calling but didn't leave a message. Been sad most of the week. It's my birthday tomorrow and last year I had decided not to spend this one alone but that's how it goes. Or doesn't rather. That makes me smile a little, thinking about having a million wants but not taking the steps to achieve them. Shit, I don't even know the damn steps.


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