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5:50 p.m. - September 15, 2003
Pray all goes well
Cute makes rare intrusions into my lexicon but what better descriptor for Ryan's Hi, Jason . . . I hope this is Jason's machine . . . Hoping because I'd like to ask you out to dinner tonight. If this is the wrong phone number, will you help me find Jason? He has the cutest curly hair and a beautiful smile. Damn, I love it! I called and our plans for Wednesday night have now become Monday and Wednesday.

A shocker: I offered to cook for him. Yes, I know, what the hell was I thinking? Something is very wrong with this picture; not only have I invited him over and am cooking spaghetti, I'm also making raspberry scones, because they're his favorite. [editor's note: I can make scones and hopefully I'll get a bonus point because the raspberries are fresh from the freezer - good thing I plan ahead!] Ryan's going to be here at 6:30 and I'm nervous, my stomach won't stay still and I'm wishing I had listened to Dana's advice and bought those mats you put under plates. Bad nervous. Shaky-hand nervous.

And if he asks, I'll even let him use the bathroom. I feel so damn shy, just thinking about showing him around my house. Will he think I'm a bigger nerd than he surely does already when he sees all my books? Will he wonder whether I'm weird because I have such little furniture? What will I say were he to ask about the closets? Would it be too cheesy to light candles? I feel so stupid not knowing all the answers, because I have such little experience at this, because it makes me too excited.


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