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12:28 p.m. - February 20, 2005
Fat ass! Fat ass! FAT ASS
I just broke my chair. My fat ass has pushed the limits and I actually broke the damn chair.

Let us chart, let us chronologize:

a) Jason was thin and in excellent shape in high school. He played soccer (school team) and swam (club sport), was generally well-formed enough to be picky. What I lacked in muscles I made up for in green eyes and my dimple.

b) Jason went to college and gained a freshman 10 but this wasn't so bad because people began remarking I didn't look like a high school freshman anymore. Manhood, here I come.

c) Sports became a summers-only softball league. It's too cold to swim in Seattle most of the year and as for soccer - hell, I wasn't that good anyway.

d) Jason was comfortable in his medium-sized shirts throughout college.

e) Jason graduates college wearing a medium-sized shirt that was getting a little tight.

f) During graduate school physical exertion occurred less and less frequently. I moved up to a large shirt.

g) Met Dana and we were the perfect couple: She petite and perky, me just solid enough to be called solid. Left solid behind and spotted the development of a double chin.

h) Met Spec. Overnight began the broadening phase.

i) Now single, I hit beefy though I had no muscles. Then corpulent, chubby, need to lose a few, extra-large shirts. Obese? Depression?

j) February 20, 2005, I broke my chair while bouncing to the music of Paradise City by Guns 'N Roses.

Horrified, but I keep laughing.

If I put the chair parts on the street for pick-up Tuesday morning, will my neighbors wonder how the chair broke and think fat ass?


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