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10:08 a.m. - February 23, 2005
Get over it
Is spontaneity spontaneous when it may be fueled by an ulterior desire, say, to avoid a quiet night alone? Last night as I was exiting the parking lot I called over to CM and said yuhwannagoout and she did, so we picked up her husband and off we went to a Chinese restaurant where we talked Russian lit and compared the postcolonial sequellae with the effects slavery has had on our own mentality in the United States, touching on science fiction, theology, and the educational crisis [editor's note: original word was fuckup] going on in most schools. Jesus, where has my mind been all these years? Has it been that long since I've enjoyed peers and good conversation? Another first: I declined a cocktail but they urged me to try something new (how quickly they have come to know me!) so I did - something called a mojito that had a lot of mint leaves floating in it. A step or two above the ale or Red Hook ESB I'll have when I go to a bar - which means once or twice per annum. Fun; I had a fun time. I could become used to this, though I worry I've stumbled across a cache of good-times and unless careful, may exhaust the supply and so ought to indulge carefully. Damn it, it just feels good to do.

I'm worried I can't sustain whatever it is that has caught their interest. It's like everything else - a magnesium flash, intense light, then nothing left. Life must be about risk-taking or something because it's only when I go against the mental grain that my pulse quickens.

There is an underlying pathetic quality to this excitement of mine over making two new friends and going out to restaurants.

It's just that I'm tired of tv-dinners and quiet houses, very very very tired.


Darrell, I'm sorry to hear about your house.


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