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9:40 p.m. - March 03, 2003
I've dropped my keys into the murk
I havenít done anything tonight, opened up the file and my notes and couldnít think. I guess Iím upset.

How these things build I donít know.

Self-congratulatory on pushing people away and derive the opposite of itís intended effect. I push, I push, they go away and Iím the one who feels no relief. I feel disappointed.

Iím sad tonight and there is much to read, much to study, much to write and my mind feels like a marshmallow hanging over the fire, nearing the flash point for becoming a gloopy mess, one that falls off the stick and is lost. Useless, in other words.

Felt the good slipping away and that makes me sad.


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