9:40 p.m. - March 03, 2003
How these things build I donít know.
Self-congratulatory on pushing people away and derive the opposite of itís intended effect. I push, I push, they go away and Iím the one who feels no relief. I feel disappointed.
Iím sad tonight and there is much to read, much to study, much to write and my mind feels like a marshmallow hanging over the fire, nearing the flash point for becoming a gloopy mess, one that falls off the stick and is lost. Useless, in other words.
Felt the good slipping away and that makes me sad.